Heart Wins Again
First, if you are out there and are reading this, I want to say with open arms, WELCOME TO, and THANK YOU FOR READING, my second ever blog post. Since last we met a lot has happened and I've learned that though working hard is very rewarding, relaxing hard can be even better.
I met a great man recently, Master José Johnson , at my friends' wedding. We were eating and mingling when our conversation began. It was effortless and Jose filled it with timeless wisdom that he so kindly shared with me. He told me about his world renown endeavors, including owning his own Chinese martial arts gym, and being a national champion and master of many art forms and crafts. Master José is also a professional musician. Trumpet is his first instrument. (I love martial arts and music!)
As we were finishing our conversation, one thing that stuck with me, and still bounces around in my head is when Master José said with all honesty and conviction, "Follow your heart." Yes, to many this is as cliché as a statement can get. But when he said this to me it did not come off as such. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the exact lesson this great teacher needed to teach me... Follow Your Heart.
As I strive to learn this lesson well, I, like many, have lots of internal questions: What exactly does that mean to me? Why does it seem that everyone else has this rule, this law, this practice, down? And how long am I going to be learning this lesson?
I believe eternal wisdom and guidance whispers softly in the heart, and doubt often loudly interrupts through the mind.
So, what was Master José saying, and how did he know... that I need to amplify this whisper of the heart? Could from a simple conversation he see that my confidence, though high, could be higher ? Could he see the rocky path, the hills and valleys, that I need to navigate in my music life? Could he tell that following my heart was my internal journey of trusting God and leaning more on Him? These questions contain answers in themselves, just as the statement "Follow your heart" contains many illuminating questions.
My bandmates occupy a significant portion of my time and thoughts. If we're not working together in rehearsals or writing sessions, I'm working on these things on my own. I am a musical workaholic, and am always trying to push our project forward. But this month I feel a deep conflict inside. My heart has been saying, despite what is going on around me, "take it easy", "relax", "enjoy time off", "enjoy doing nothing". Meanwhile something else (not in my heart) is saying "taking time off is detrimental to your career", "not working hard is falling back", "other musicians are reaching great milestones while you chill".
These voices are tough to navigate because in a certain time and place they are both true. But in this particular time and place, and perhaps the future will teach me, that the whispers of my heart know best, despite time or place. How can I trust this process, this blip in the grand scheme, if I let my mind allow me to doubt my heart and live in fear. Which I have been doing by even entertaining those thoughts outside of my heart and true intuition.
So here and now I take this stand! I choose to trust my heart, and the path it has already chosen. I know that what I am capable of will only be amplified with the help of the divine. So guess what! There will be a time to grind VERY SOON, but right now, I chill till... And let me tell you, it feels SPECTACULAR!